Ever watch Curb Your Enthusiasm? It’s a now-defunct HBO show with Larry David, one of the creators of Seinfeld. If you haven’t seen it, it’s hilarious… as long as you don’t mind being uncomfortable with finding so many inappropriate things so funny. You see, Larry is like George Costanza from Seinfeld, but 20x worse. He is selfish, self-centered, and bears the wrath of most who encounter him. Wait, is it bear or bare? Whatever.

So I’m watching season 5’s “Kamikaze Bingo.” The short version is that Larry shames the son of a kamikaze fighter into suicide. Basically, Larry brought up the idea that if his dad was a kamikaze, shouldn’t he be dead rather than living in a nursing home. The story goes on in the typical Curb Your Enthuisiasm way, but the ending was what killed me. Larry goes on to piss off all the people who live at the nursing home and they all decide to gang up on him during a bingo game. Larry starts backing up into a door while all these old people come slowing charging at him like the monsters did in Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video. Then all of a sudden you hear the revving of a wheelchair, the crowd parts and the kamikaze dad comes racing down the bingo hall in his motorized wheelchair screaming “BONZAI!”

So at this point you must be wondering (assuming there’s a “you” out there actually reading this) why I’m sitting here recapping a TV show episode. I’ll tell you why. Right after I hear “BONZAI!” I start cracking up. I mean I’m hysterically laughing when all of a sudden I see this black object fly past our living room window and I hear something crash against the window. I run outside to find a tiny baby bird with a yellow breast essentially taking its last breaths. I run inside to grab a towel, reach down and cup the bird in my hands… and the baby bird quivers and DIES! DIES!!! So I run behind the house calling out my husband’s name. I don’t bother going inside since my loving dog would surely attack what was in my hand. Meanwhile, Nate comes outside with this shocked look on his face. He heard me laughing and now I’m standing in front of him, cupping a dead baby bird, crying hysterically and screaming “the baby bird is dead! It’s dead. It died! A crow killed it. Fucking crow!” So he grabs the towel from my hand and the baby bird lands with a thud on the ground.

And so you see, this is why I told you the Curb Your Enthusiasm story. You think this kind of shit happens only on TV shows, but oh no… not when it comes to my life.

Epilogue: Nate buried Baby Bird O’Leary (BBO) in our backyard and has a great big cinder block on the patch so no furry animal can get to it. I’m going to make a pretty little patch of stones and plant some seeds. I guess I’m a closet animal lover after all…

Here’s what the BBO looked like.